As I reflect on my 9th year as a boy mom, I have to say, it is never what I expect. This year was a bit different, as I traveled with friends for an adult only weekend. Secretly, this was the best mother’s day ever. Why? First, I got to spend time doing what I wanted to do, without the whining and complaining of someone who did not have to have their stomach cut open to give birth. Second, I am divorced, and holidays (and I mean all of them) have been huge triggers for my son and I over the past few years. Holidays and celebrations in my previous life consisted of making other people happy. It was exhausting. By nature, I am a reflector, some may even say an over analyzer. I think about situations over and over again. As I reflect on my previous mother’s days, I am often brought back to those days prior to Colton being born. On those days, I begged and pleaded with a higher power, that I be allowed to be more than a fur-baby mom. Being a fur-baby mom was/is a privilege and honor, but I was one of those girls that yearned to be a mother and struggled with infertility. Mother’s day for the first part of my first marriage consisted of hosting BBQs for my mom and my ex-husband’s mom and while these days were special, they were always exhausting days. Pre-cleaning, prepping dinner, cooking dinner, socializing and then the post-clean up. It was all left to me. All of it. The cooking, the cleaning, the grocery shopping, the gift shopping, the prepping, the entertaining. Whatever needed to be done, I took care of it. I didn’t mind, my mother and mother in law supported me in so many ways, but I had no help. Yes, I was married, but their was no-one to share the joy, preparation, celebration, and cleanup with (if you know you know, if you don’t know, you are one of the lucky ones).
Then…Colton finally entered my world, but mother’s day, until I got divorced, continued to be spent appeasing others and ensuring they enjoyed the day more than I did. Why? Well, if the day wasn’t filled with activities that kept everyone else happy, I was sure to pay in the long run. (If you have been married and divorced, this makes all too much sense. If you haven’t been married yet, I pray you never live for a moment in a marriage like my first one. If you are currently in a marriage like that, I am sorry, and I pray you find the peace to enjoy life).
Fast forward a few more years down the road, 6 years later to be exact. This is the year I left my first marriage. That first mother’s day was so fun. My boyfriend (now husband) took my son and I to out to do the things I LOVE the MOST….. to the boardwalk to play games at the the arcade and out for ice cream. It was so much fun, I think I said that already. I can’t remember what we did for 2019 and 2020, but unmemorable is better than having a miserable day (Again, if you have ever lived through a shitty marriage, this makes sense). This year, 2021, was spent with friends and it was FUN. First, I have not been on a trip with a group of adults since 2005. Second, I have not laughed that hard in years. It was so fun and refreshing to talk about marriage, kids, careers, pets, and our future without any judgement. It was fun to spend the weekend with my husband having a new experiences. It was awesome to get home and hug my COLTON. While I felt briefly guilty for not spending the entire day with my son and for not making as big of a fuss over my own mother, I know I needed this weekend. I needed the time to mentally take a break from my past, to help me continue to make the changes on holidays that are huge triggers. Colton needs to see his mom take care of herself, to be happy, to enjoy the company of her own friends. Colton needs to see that sometimes in life, you have to put yourself first before everyone else. I think my point to this post is this….. a mom is a mom, whether to a fur-baby, a baby-baby, or a man-baby, moms MOM every single day. Sometimes we just need a break from MOMMING and this weekend I got just that!!!! Colton was super excited to see me and could not wait to give me his home made card and the garden gloves he got me. And my husband and friends had given me a breather to come home refreshed, relaxed, and ready to mom again.
So while my opinion and view on mother’s day is probably not the popular opinion, I just wanted to take a moment to acknowledge that mother’s day is not always an easy day and it usually does not turn out how we dream, envision or expect to turn out. Mother’s day is sometimes calm and quiet, others times it is a cold and miserable day, some are exhausting, and other times, they aren’t at all what we expected, but exactly what we needed. To all of those super moms out there, Happy Mother’s day! If no one told yesterday, you are doing an amazing job taking care of your pets, your kids, and your man. I see you mothering and caring for everyone every single day and sometime it down right sucks, but you are A-MA-ZING and we love you for everything you do! I hope today, you can take a moment to reflect on just how superhuman you are and you can take some lesson away from your day, no matter what kind out day it turned out to be. XOXOXO – Tiffany
Discovering Dyslexia 